Cursed
by Enhas
Summary: River isn't quite as stable or happy as some think she is, which is only magnified by an unexpected visitor to Stormcage.  Oneshot.


After Rory and the TARDIS had left, River Song returned to her cell and while holding back tears, was deeply in thought about what was going to happen to the three people she cared for most in the world… what _had_ happened long ago to her while she was still an infant. She had no choice but to refuse Rory's plea for help, for the simple fact that she wasn't there when it happened.

If she showed up before the end, the universe would _break_ and all would be lost. The Doctor was her far superior when it came to knowledge of time paradoxes and the like, and she knew better than to question him.

A few tears escaped her eyes despite her efforts.

She was cursed, in more ways than one. It wasn't bad enough that she was ripped away from her parents but she was also condemned to travel in the opposite flow of time from both them and the Doctor, with the three knowing and trusting her less and less with each encounter.

River was about ready to begin writing her thoughts into her diary when suddenly the TARDIS began to materialize within her cell. Did something go horribly wrong?

The doors opened, and a man stepped out, quickly scanning the area with both his eyes and a sonic screwdriver. He looked nothing like the Doctor she knew and loved, having somewhat short brown hair and green eyes, and was about a half-head shorter than her. He was dressed in Victorian era-like clothing, mostly black and also wore a similar-colored fedora on his head.

"Well, this is a surprise!"

River had never seen this Doctor before, but what was he doing there? Nobody had exited the TARDIS with him, so he was most likely alone.

"Doctor?"

"Yes, and no." he said. "Um, you must be River Song, am I correct?"

Her heart almost broke at his words. One of her greatest fears was the inevitable day when the Doctor will not recognize her, as it would mean she would most likely never see him again after that. Had the day finally arrived?

"Yes, I am. Don't you know me, Doctor?" she said.

"Oh yes, yes… but not quite in the way you think. I knew this day would eventually come… I wasn't _trying_ to come here, you know. The TARDIS just decided to take me here, and I think Stormcage really could use some redecorating. Not nearly enough atmosphere, oh sorry I must be rambling. Granddad always told me that I take after him."

He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a familiar object: Her diary, far more worn and tattered than the one on the table next to her. Quickly thumbing through it and mumbling to himself, he then stopped on a certain page.

"This is where you're going to write this meeting we're having right now. You know, this always puzzled me, but not anymore. I'm afraid that I can't stay for very long though, as you wrote that I was only here for about ten minutes and then left. Before you ask, I'm not the Doctor you know. He was my grandfather, and I've taken over his title and role."

_Grandfather?_ she thought. _But that means…_

"Are you… are you related to me?" River asked. "Maybe it's not impossible after all, though it wasn't for lack of trying!"

"No, I'm not." he said, and River's face fell at his reply. "I'm sorry. I know how much you loved the Doctor, River, but full Time Lords can't conceive children with humans, even hybrids like yourself. I know more about you than you do… your diary really is a very good read. Rather raunchy in some parts though, I must add. Anyway, what I am about to tell you, you must keep secret. I know I can trust you, you must _not_ reveal any of this to the Doctor."

"Spoilers, I know." said River, as she grinned a little. "What is it? And just who are you, really?"

"I'll have to be short and to the point. Has the Doctor ever told you about his daughter Jenny?"

"Jenny? Yes, he has. But she died long ago… wait, are you saying that you're related to _her_? But how? She shouldn't have been able to regenerate!"

"Just like you aren't supposed to be able to regenerate? Please, River. The Doctor has been wrong on many things before. Yes, Jenny was my mother, and she obviously didn't die that day. At the time she was created, the Doctor had three regenerations left, and that template was also copied for her. She lived out four different lives and gave birth to me on her third… my father was an ordinary human, and sadly we both far outlived him. My mother was kind of a lesser Time Lord as it were, due to being a clone, so she was able to have me. I've already regenerated once and should be able to do so two more times. I take companions sometimes and save or destroy entire worlds and species just as my grandfather did. I knew him almost my entire life right up until he gave the TARDIS to me, and his blessing, and never saw him again since. Sorry, I'm getting out of breath… hope I've said everything I needed to. Make sure you write this all down!"

River didn't quite know how to react or reply to this 'Doctor'. Now that she looked carefully, she definitely could see some of her Doctor within him, and without thinking she threw her arms around him and hugged him.

She cried, and didn't know why.

"River, I… I don't know what to say. But know this, the Doctor loved you far more than anyone else he had in his long life, and that's saying something. You've got quite a while with him yet… you're lucky. I can never see him or my parents ever again. I'll never see _you_ again either, this is the one and only time, but I'm glad that I received the opportunity.

"Thank you." she said, pulling away from him. "So someday, the Doctor is going to find out that Jenny is alive, so that's one good thing that's coming to him. Lord only knows that he deserves it. I assume by the way you've been speaking and by the fact that you have my diary… that I'm no longer around."

"Both you and the Doctor are long gone. River, you _know_ that I can't tell you anything concerning you just like you couldn't go and help Rory find his wife. But I promise you this… you've been running and are going to run as nobody has before, one of the greatest people ever to exist. River Song, The Last Centurion, Donna Noble… aside from the Doctor those are the three names remembered the most throughout all of history, through stories and songs. Be proud, River. As for me, I feel like I'm not even a tenth of what the Doctor was, but I have to try and make my own way."

He closed his diary, returning it to its rightful pocket and slowly trod to the TARDIS doors.

"Goodbye, River Song."

Within a few moments, both he and the TARDIS were gone, and indeed she never saw him ever again. His visit only served to bring her further pain, even though it clearly wasn't his intention, because he revealed that she and the Doctor would never have children and that at some point they would be parted from each other.

River was very skilled at keeping secrets, and was able to close off the part of her mind that contained that encounter in order to focus on the next out-of-order, backwards run-in with the Doctor and whatever companions he had at the time.

It was even _worse_ when her mother and father didn't know who she was.

Years later, moments before she was to sacrifice herself to save those trapped within the Library and the Doctor himself, she thought back to that night in Stormcage. The Pseudo-Doctor had known of her fate, most likely from the Doctor himself who had _known all along_.

She loved him, and he loved her, but just how much of it was real and not just an effort to preserve the time-line? She wished that she would have had a normal life with her parents, and stayed in sync with the Doctor's time-line. Maybe everything could have been different, everything _should_ have been different.

For the first and only time in her life, she cursed the Doctor's true name to herself just before she felt her mind burning up.

It wasn't fair.

The Doctor's grandson had lied about his meeting with River being his first and last. In fact, he saw her for the first time as a lifeless body, and removed her from the Library at the same time he retrieved her diary. She was buried next to both of her parents, so in a way they could be together in death… a small consolation.

There was one page of River's diary that she never let anyone see. In fact, nobody could see it unless they knew what was written there, as it was an advanced form of psychic paper. Neither the Doctor nor his grandson ever saw anything, figuring the page to just be blank. It guarded River's greatest secret, and was the very first page, blank except for three short words that summed up her feelings of her existence:

"I am cursed."


End file.
